How To Defend Yourself Against A Sasquatch Using Karate Techniques!

It’s easy to take down a ton of Sasquatch with Karate Techniques if you have perfect timing, and you don’t have to be a Manswers fan to know that! Mind you, I don’t advocate hunting down one of these beasts to check out what I am going to tell you here, and I certainly don’t advocate cruelty to any animal. But if that 300 pound mugger comes at you on the street, some of these fighting techniques will prove invaluable.

First, a little information concerning your opponent. The Sasquatch, also referred to as Bigfoot, weighs in at over 800 pounds. They have several daggers permanently sprouting from their fingers, and their teeth are a circle of uncommonly vicious knives.

Now, the BF, beinga tall galoot, can stand nine to ten feet upright. This is perfect for looming over some idiot, and then crashing down upon, any dope foolish enough to stand in the way. The first self defense technique, if one should find oneself standing in the shadow of one of these looming, wanna be gorillas, is a front kick to the cahonies.

Mind you, the coconuts tend to be a little big, and they do feel the pain. After the kick be sure to jump to the side, because if you have caused him to fall, he might fall on you! I don’t recommend waiting to try a second kick, because if you kicked a female (it’s hard to tell without all that hair) she might be a little peevish.

Okay, second line of defense, if you are successful in evading the fall of the massive fellow, is to jump on the back of the behemoth and make him (or her) tap out. Look, a well applied guillotine choke hold is worth its weight in gold, and there isn’t a Sasquatch alive who hasn’t heard of the Mixed Martial Arts arena. So hook your forearm across the throat, brace the arms, and apply pressure–a considerable amount of pressure.

But what if you don’t encounter an honorable beast, what if you come across one that doesn’t come at you stand up, but rather charges in like he’s going for a takedown and goes for the bite, whacha gonna do? The best thing is to observe the jaws carefully, and when he opens for the bite, strike with a Karate spear hand! Don’t jerk backwards when he starts to close his jaws, as that would go against the curve of the fangs, rather, push forward and grab for the tongue!

Now, you’ve got a Sasquatch by the tongue, and now he is going to be worried! What if he could no longer lick that honey, what would he do then, eh? He’s also going to get worried that you might get cantankerous and give a good yank and turn him all the way inside out!

Okay, maybe these techniques might not work in all situations, but you’re thinking now, right? You would never harm one of nature’s critters unless you were really hungry, but that mugger on the street…he’s a different matter! Fair game, and these Karate Techniques are going to save your live, loved ones, and wallet!

If you’re going to take on Bigfoot, whether with Karate Techniques, or Kenpo, or whatever, you’re going to need the fastest and most effective Martial Art in the world. Click to Monster Martial Arts. Make sure you get the free martial arts book and the free martial arts magazine while you’re there!
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