Karate Masters, Some of the Things They Did, and How You Can Become One!

Whap, bam and pow! We watch TV and the movies, and we see kung fu flips in the Matrix and sword standing and eye gouging in Kill Bill and we know we have seen the real masters! Wake up, dude, that’s a movie, and what the real masters do is a lot different than what you see on TV! Gichin Funakoshi is considered to be one of the more significant of the karate masters. He brought karate to all Japan, and then spread it to the whole world. If that isn’t considered enough to be considered a real, live master, why don’t you go stand on a house during a typhoon and hold a 3 by 6 sheet of plywood? That’s right, to make his stance totally immovable in every way, he battled the very elements, and word has it he never sailed off to Oz. And, if you want one of the older masters, try Sokon Matsumuri, an Imperial bodyguard of old Okinawa, who made a bull run away just by giving the bull a serious stare. The trick was that he went out to the bullpen during the dark hours and jabbed a pin smack in the middle of that old bulls nose! Of course you may not think the intelligence to figure out how to best a bull without bashing him is not much of a deal. So try something that doesn’t take much intelligence, like grabbing the beams of a ceiling, not hooking the fingers over, but just grabbing them, and hand walking across the ceiling. This is something that people were doing in old Okinawa just for kicks! One of the toughest of the old karate masters was Mas Oyama. Mas was famous for chopping the horns off of charging bulls, and he ended up killing three of the poor beasts. Now, cruelty to animals is not what we are about, and this was a while ago, but think about the muscle, the intelligence, the brute strength, and the sheer artism required to kill a bull with your bare hands. It’s not something I would try if I were you. Okay, you’ve heard enough of the tales, so let me give you a simple trick to do, and you can start being your own legend making master of Karate. Learn a karate form, something like Bassai would be great, but you might want to start off with a simpler form like Pinan One. Now, take the garden hose and run it for an hour on that bare patch of earth in the backyard. Now, the ground is nice and gooey, yucky and pukey. So it is time to do your form, heh heh. Whap, bam and pow! Your fanny flies over your face and you look like a plant hiding in the mud. Up on your feet you lazy wanna be karate master! Did you think the legends of old would whine just because they got a little muddy?

Al Case has studied Karate, and shaolin and a lot of other arts, for 40 years. A writer for the mags since 1981, he is the originator of Matrix Martial Arts. You can find out about his training methods, and even get a free ebook at Monster Martial Arts!

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